So, normally these TSC entries account for Rik and I completely failing to follow the plot of the film and digressing into childish, or perhaps, snotty tangents. WE MET OUR MATCH.
First off, we need to defend ourselves: we had time to kill. Heading north from San Francisco we decided to waste 2 hours of a 7 hour wait-fest watching this unimaginable crappy film. Without any goodies we watched every last gory detail of the film with scrutiny, in a state of total sobriety. Well here it goes.
This film is THE most offensive fake B-movies we have ever seen. Before we discuss the mostly objectifying and grotesque nature of this summer 3-D blockbuster, we must examine how it was redeemed. Somehow the team behind this CGI bloodbath managed to get both Christopher Lloyd (Back to the Future) and Richard Dreyfuss (Jaws). HOW!?
The opening scene of the film we encounter Dreyfuss humming the tune from Jaws, “I’m tired and I want to go to bed. Had another drink about an hour ago and it went right to my head…” Did anyone else catch this campy-as-hell pun? We were laughing raucously by the time an earthquake frees thousands of ancient piranha in a Nevada lake in order to bring in the punch line and rip Dreyfuss to shreds. The man hasn’t acted in anything worthwhile in what, like twenty years? And comes back to do this? THIS?! A cameo in a gore flik with a standard Jaws joke. This could have been promising, actually. We were giddy for more camp irony. A big budget B-movie horror with somewhat intelligent pop culture humor would have been a lovely way to waste an afternoon.
Okay, on to the next star: Christopher Lloyd. Yep, he’s still crazy. But this time he’s crazy about fish–who would have guessed. A reprisal as the Doc but this time he knows everything about piranha in the Pleistocene era. Doc explains it all. These fish are freaking evil cannibals who stayed alive for 2 million years trapped in an underwater cavern. And then it’s back to people dying.
Of course the moview is another remake that claims to be spruced up for a new wave of predatory consumers. I recall watching the original, which is far tamer and contains a lot more fish made of clay, and thinking it was a bad ripoff of Jaws. I think the current 3-D film deserves a bit more attention though.
If you do decide to go and throw money at a cashier to see thousands of gallons of faux blood be thrown onto topless chicks then you should know a few things.
This movie has a specific demographic. If you are not a (white) heterosexual teenage boy who possibly has some extreme issues when it comes to violence against women, then this film is not made for you. You can still enjoy it if you want to see a young woman’s naked torso ripped from her lower half while paragliding. SERIOUSLY, this movie survives the box office on masturbation funds of 14-year-old boys who are ready to see tits. Possibly over a hundred pairs.
Are you a skeezbag, a sexist, a frat boy, a pervy old guy, or a creeper? Then good news: the humor is made for you. Now, we’re not two that enjoy judging the pleasures of others, but this film’s humor consists of old guys coercing girls into doing tequila shots then strip. They appear to be high school girls, also. Then they get tossed in the water and eaten. If you’ve ever seen a Girls Gone Wild special, then you understand the complexity of the narrative, oh, and the characters. Note: Lesbians might be sexually stimulated by all of this also, which is totally cool by us. But would most lesbians like seeing women portrayed in such a sexist manner in public, even if it is sexually exciting?
While we both loved how campy and disgusting the film was, there are some serious issues with the way that humans, and especially young women, are portrayed in the film. One could argue that the whole movie is super self-aware, which it is at some level, considering the damn thing is shot in 3-D for two reasons: holographic BOOBS, dude, and startling moments when fish swim quickly.
Skip to 1:03 min for trailer.
Okay now to the critique. I’m positive that producers of the film knew what they were doing when they ensured that every female character except for the Sheriff, whom I will address momentarily, was about as intelligent as a fishing pole and endowed with oversize bobbers. I cannot recount how many shots there were of just ass ‘n’ titties, then titties ‘n’ ass. Female objectification and sexualization to the maximum. No hot guys to be seen, unless you like douchey frat guys wearing Abercrombie shirts.
There are only two ‘real’ or believable female characters with some semblance of depth. The girlfriend-type, who is seemingly innocent; she drinks too much and vomits. Totally lame, by the way. And the mother; she is also the Sheriff who must rescue her misguided horndog of a son who did not babysit his siblings (whom are also in danger) as their boat sinks. Typical. Just typical. Most of the victims of the ferocious fish are shirtless young women, all ready for a zombie-inspired Playboy shoot. And the only female character that has human emotions or sentience is in charge with cleaning up the mess.
I'm ready for my close-up.
Well, if we could use Piranha (2010) as a cultural artifact of the late naughts, we could come to some serious conclusions. Everything is in fucking 3-D because the economy is failing and people want nothing more than a spectacle. Women are simply young boobs and pussy (on one end) or Mommy-figures–especially when they are being ripped apart by carnivorous fish.
Something tells me a BDSM lesbian into objectification was not in charge of making this one. Some men must get off on watching naked women die in horrific ways. Especially director Alexandre Aja, a member of the “Splat Pack”–a list of directors famous for making extremely gory horror including Rob Zombie and others. Aja, this was nowhere as scary or fun as High Tension [Haute tension] (2003). Us queers see the camp inherent in the film–camp so thick it’s like rubbing chum on a blackfaced drag queen dressed as a mermaid with a thyroid problem. But considering how biased this film is to a specific male audience who may sexualize screaming bleeding women, what does the rest of the audience see?
[HOMO] GENII 